Home > funny, memories, people, pondering, random > Wesley’s personal embarrassment story #1

Wesley’s personal embarrassment story #1

Previously on WhatWouldWesleyDo: NBA prospects might think about jump

Other than columns, I’ve been ultra emo since I’ve started trying to blog regularly… and that’s just lame. So I’m gonna switch it up (and save the whole friends vs. associates vs. acquaintances post for another day, if at all) and clown somebody. And that somebody is myself.

For those of you who haven’t known me for a very long time. I used to be the subject of a lot of embarrassment. My awkward teen years were compounded by my desire to make everything look perfect and stuff got funny– and to some people really close to me, is still funny. I generally am quick to call people out for mistakes and things that they do that don’t make sense, so it’s only fair I get myself, right?

I’ll start off this indefinite series, with the Dorito incident… and no this has nothing to do with chips.

I’ve always valued a nice looking haircut. The problem is genetically speaking, my hair grows like Esau from the Bible if it could. Even now, three days out of a fresh haircut and I need a shape up again. It’s awful.

Well me being the proactive, do-it-yourself person that I am, I decided I could cut my own hair. I was in 5th grade and i was beginning to think I could do anything, so I figured just as good a job as the barber. For the most part it was OK, but I decided it wasn’t something I wanted to do regularly, just in emergency situations.

Well one such emergency arose when we were taking pictures for school and I was somewhere in between the two week period between the haircut on mommy and daddy’s dollar. I wanted to be fresh for my first middle school picture.

So, instead of the full cut, I went on and set out to give myself the illest hairline in Tacoma–just to let everyone know what was up.

I pulled out the clippers from under the sink and went to work. But for some reason, this just wasn’t doing the job.

It looked better than before I started, but not quite the level at which Wesley needed to be… So I thought something like, ‘well, if dad uses a razor to completely take the hair off of his face, surely I can do the same thing and sharpen up my hair line.’

Like the way we in Western society read, I started left to right. Half way through I looked like I was on my way to prom… that’s when the perfectionist in me kicked in.

But before I go any further let me give you a little background.

The right side of my hair is very different from the left side of my hair. At the time, before doing the pretty-boy curl in 10th grade and the discovery of the durag, my hair grew very straight and stood upright. Imagine your arm hair after rubbing a balloon over it, but it all going in different directions. Even now the wave pattern that has developed goes every which way, which is why i always get my hair cut. I’d rather not go as often as I do, but it’s gotta stay under control.

Anyways, so I get to the right side of my hair line and I want to finish off the job strong, yet there is a problem. The razor’s that my dad uses are the single $0.39 Bic single bladed kind. Mix that with my hair pattern and you get this…well something like it:

Just imagine that triangle on one side of the head... smh

I tried to play it off for a few hours, but that didn’t work. My best friend James aptly dubbed my mistake a “Dorito” upon seeing it and to this day it’s one of the things I get the most hell about. But it doesn’t end there…

I wasn’t about to go bald. That’s just stupid, no kid is bald. Lex Luthor was bald as a child and they made fun of him…

So I thought of ways to fix it. What could I make look like hair?

My solution? Shoe polish, glue, ground up crayons and pencil shavings. Somehow I made that work as hair for one day, long enough to realize I needed to go on ahead and mow down the disaster.

I reference this story because even now, the right side of my hairline is a little higher up than the left because of this incident… well that and my solution was effing hilarious. I should have just went bald from the jump, maybe then I would have to confidence to rock it out more often. LOL

These days, I think the light cast on me makes me look a lot better than I am, and even I need a little teasing thrown my way.

I’m gonna blog some of my embarrassing/awkward moments. I don’t really have them anymore and it’s nice to reminisce. Besides, you guys will get a kick out of having some ammo on me.

I guess the nature of things people could joke about these days (still being in college and not having a car) aren’t really things you mess with people about, unless you want to get your ass kicked lol.

Hmmm… oh btw if you read this whole thing, there’s a lot of “that’s what she saids” in this. Also for those grammer/syntax nerds, there’s a lot of errors, but I was more concerned with the story rather than the execution… I’ll save that for the book.

If you want to read other embarrassing stories check back periodically and pitch me topics about potentially embarrassing situations. I remember some, but not as many as I should… LOL

Salute

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  1. Shonda
    04/19/2011 at 8:52 pm

    I tried to cut my brother’s hair and ended up cutting circles into his head… He did have to go bald. LOL

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